Thor and his Maintenance Hammer!

Thor and his Maintenance Hammer!

At work I noticed one of the carts for moving heavy items was slightly damaged. A piece of wood was sticking out with exposed nails (not safe at all. And if you didn't know I am Mr.Safety).

I contemplated kicking it back in place, but with my luck I imagined the nails might enter my shoe and into my toes. Trust me I do stupid things and I usually pay for it.

I radioed the maintenance guy.

"Good morning sir, the cart needs a Hulk Smash and it should be good to go, can you come to the kitchen?".

His response,
"What? I don't know what you are talking about, a Hulk what?".

My answer,
"You know, pretend you are HULK and smash it back into place".

His answer
"What? I don't get it.".

He appears in the kitchen.

I said
"Ya so just Hulk smash it and you are good to go. You know who the Hulk is right?"

His answer
"Some WWF guy blonde and bandana?".

Impressive he knew his WWF characters. Now called WWE?

I laughed.
I had to give him props for that, for an older guy he knew that at least.

"No, the green dude who is full of rage and gamma radiation. You know what!? Just give me the hammer and I'll do it. I'm full of rage and probably irradiated (or irritated) by gamma's."

He gave me a weird look.

"I forgot my hammer".

My response
"Thor should never forget his hammer Mjölnir. For it holds the power of a dying star which should not fall into the wrong hands. Its might could be used by evil if befallen into the darkness".

He said "I don't understand you" and walked away.

"I believe in you Thor", I answered as he disappeared.

He didn't respond. I hope he didn't report me for living in a comic book world.

I was irradiated by gamma's like the HULK and full of rage.

My Japanese blog.
Also somewhat incoherent like this blog, but more weird stuff happened to me in Japan.
Take a gander at it at this link.

http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

Superglue Super stupid

Superglue, Super Stupid!

I did something semi stupid today.
What else is new?

I decided to fix my door which had a few pieces of wood detached.

Ah the real power of super-glue.

I actually ripped them off my door myself for Reno in another part of my condo. When I brought it to the store the guy asked why I brought chunks of wood, I said to paint match.

He looked at me bewildered, "It has to be flat and just the paint, I don't need the weird shapes of wood. Needs to be about as big as a twoonie". 

OK I thought.

I went home to glue the wood pieces back in place.

They were awkward shapes. I covered them with super-glue and held them on the door.

One slight problem.

My fingers not only glued together, they also glued to the door.

I slowly peeled my fingers from the door, happy I didn't lose any skin (this time).

I decided to then put the super-glue only on the door and push the piece of wood on. The wood was too small and I got more super-glue on my fingers.

I was stuck with three fingers together.
If you have never tried it before, don't bother. Makes life very difficult.


The worst part of this story is my last two experiences with super-glue I had glued my fingers together too and I swore I would never do without gloves again. 
I didn't use gloves.

Oh boy!

My Japanese blog.
Also somewhat incoherent like this blog, but more weird stuff happened to me in Japan.
Take a gander at it at this link.

http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

An idiotic Conversation

The background

Whilst a friend asked me which I preferred Subway or Quizno’s.

Me: I like Quizno’s more.

Her: Why ?

Me: I don’t like Subway. They ask me too many questions.

Her: Like what?

Me: What bread do I want, some stuff about flavour of the sandwich, harassment about what veggies and then what flavour of salt and pepper I want.

Her: What do you mean flavour of salt and pepper?

Me: I mean they say, "Hey what flavour do you want?".

Her: Do they actually say “Hey”.

Me: No, I’m giving an example.

Her: But back to my point, what do you mean flavour of salt and pepper? Do you mean sauce?

Me: Whatever they ask, same thing. I’m still thinking about the last 100 questions they asked me so by that point I'm confused.

Her: I'm confused by your story.

Me: Me too. You lost me at which one is better. The answer is McDonald’s is better. The one question is "To here or to go?".

You know I’m simple.

Her: Yes. A simpleton.

My Japanese blog.
Also somewhat incoherent like this blog, but more weird stuff happened to me in Japan.
Take a gander at it at this link.

http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

MacGyver Extraordinaire!

MacGyver Extraordinaire!

Improvise. No light make one, with whatever you have. 

A few funny things happened last night.

We went to a restaurant in Richmond for the first time. I don't want to mention any names, but the service was terrible.
Anyways, to top it off I wanted to go to the bathroom after enjoying two cups of coffee.
I get to the bathroom and the light doesn't seem to turn on. I was like Umm, wtf!? I asked an employee who appeared not to speak much English "Power!? POWAAA!?". I was like, "Sorry I don't quite understand".
I looked around the restaurant and it seemed the power was on, plus we had just ordered and she didn't say anything about lack of power.

I kept trying the switch, but to no avail.
Finally a girl popped out of the women's bathroom. "Hi", I said. She had her Iphone in her hand with the flash constantly on, like a flashlight. "hahah, ya the power is only out in the bathroom, the worker told me in Chinese, they don't know what's wrong, at least you can use you phone with the flash, there is an app for that". She giggled and walked away.
I realized I didn't have my Iphone with me it was in my jacket. I walked back to the table and grabbed it.
I contemplated just leaving the door open half way so that I could have a bit of light, but it opened up into the restaurant eating area, so I thought too embarrassing.
I went through my apps and realized that I had deleted the flashlight app a few weeks ago, when I re-updated my phone. CRAP!
 I saw the Chinese employee again. "Hi, do you have a flashlight?", I inquired. He just yelled "POWER!! PAWAAA" and walked away. I assumed that was a no.
Then genius hit me. If I used the flash on my phone without the app it could work but I have to keep taking pictures. I hoped I could pee with one hand and take pictures with the other. I hoped I wasn't going to drop my Iphone into the toilet.
I started peeing and taking pictures. My biggest fear was that I was going to miss the toilet and hit the wall or better yet, hit myself.
I took about 30 pictures and flushed. I couldn't judge if there was a bit of water from spray up from the toilet or someone else didn't have the flashlight app and peed all over the flusher.
I cleaned my hands really well (while pressing the take picture button with my knuckles) and got out.
It occurred to me I may want to delete those pictures just incase.
I went through them quickly, all pictures of me mid stream, wonderful.
As I got back to the table my friend told me.
"Dude all you need to do is put the Iphone on video, the light will come on. You don't even need to record the video".

A few hours later we went to a night market.
As we were leaving there was a lady infront of us carrying an infant in a stroller. She carried it a way I've never seen before. I thought it was pretty damn funny so I followed her for a few minutes and took a picture.
She never once turned around to see the child was OK. Maybe that's the way they roll in her family.

Yes, she is popping a wheelie and walking by dragging it! Wow.

Now that's the way to pull a child. You might end up without one if you carry it long enough like this.

My Japanese blog.
Also somewhat incoherent like this blog, but more weird stuff happened to me in Japan.
Take a gander at it at this link.

http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

Acupuncture Needles of Pain or Relief?

Acupuncture Needles of Pain or Relief?

If you like I can stick needles and nails in there for you. Just let me know.

So I went to acupuncture the a couple months ago for the first time. I've never tried it before but I've heard good things. My sister raves about it. I saw a show that claims most people who do it, feel pain relief.
Since my neck is still driving my nuts (I snapped it like an piece of wood while doing Judo in Japan years ago), and the doctors have all concluded "Yes, its bad". I figured why not try it.
First off, I went to an acupuncturist school. That means that students are doing it not teachers. Safe? Probably not. I was slightly worried. Puncture a vital nerve, blood vessel and Game Over forever. But, I'm all about cheap deals. And 5 sessions for $15 each is great.
They did a general Q and A with me. How is your sex life? I don't know if that is relevant to neck pain, but good, thanks.
They told me my liver isn't very strong and neither is my spleen. I've heard that before. Chinese doctors in the past in China told me that, and so do all the Japanese ones.
I've also had a few Chinese people read my palm. Lifeline, hmm seems a bit short, brain line, I can't seem to see one they always said. Always something to look forward to I guess.
Is there any merit to acupuncture, I don't know. Although I can say I'm a weak drinker, which may account for the poor liver.
As I arrived there were two students in the room and male and a female. I've always thought of females as the gentler of the sexes, but her needle insertions were more painful. Probably I guessed being pushed against nerves, veins, bones etc  haha. Kidding.
I hope she isn't reading this.
They left the room after they had finished the insertions. Suddenly my nose became completely blocked by some magical force and I couldn't breathe through it. I didn't have a cold and I've had no problems recently with my nose so that was weird. Maybe something controlling breathing was needled?
So I kept breathing through my nose. When he came back I told him but he didn't seem too concerned. I think he thought it was a cold I had. It wasn't.
After they removed all the needles my nose became clear.
I felt some relief already, like I could breath again. Breathing is always a bonus. My shoulders felt like some weight has been lifted off them. Great, I thought.
They started discussing about what area to do next. First the grabbed my hand and pushed a needle through the web part of my thumb. Hmm, felt like a searing hot sword cutting through my body. Must be good I thought.
She asked me if I felt pain. Uhhh, well a little yes, on a scale of 1-10 about a 5. I lied, it was a 10. "OK", she said its working.
They asked me to lay facedown again and both of them started inserting needles into the underside of my wrist and into my feet. I thought for a quick moment, I was being crucified. The pain was probably the worst I've ever had. I tried to bite my tongue as she moved one needle in and out of my foot. My gosh, it was like being electrified in a spot repeatedly.
A teacher came in to see their work. She asked them to leave the room with her. Although they had told me previously they were advanced students, I wondered if I was a practice doll for the last lessons, it just didn't feel right.
I could overheard the teacher "You should never do acupuncture on the foot during the first session, if you are off by even a little the patient feels extreme pain". I was thinking, she can say that again.
As I walked out, a large smile came out on my face, I was thinking to myself perfect since I bought a discount pack, I have 4 sessions left, maybe it will get better.

Update.
It didn't.

How bout I stick a nail in your foot. It might be good.

 My Japanese blog.
Also somewhat incoherent like this blog, but more weird stuff happened to me in Japan.
Take a gander at it at this link.

http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/