Whoops ! My bad!

I had the first swimming class of 2015 with my 2 year old son.
We were joined by two other fathers in the shower with their kids.
The first father had a little girl, about 4 years old.
And he had a swimsuit on so he can change her in the shower.
Then the 2nd father comes in the shower, wearing jeans, hat backwards and a sweater.Then I'm spraying down my son and I realized there is hole in the side of the hose. 

The spray is getting quite close to them.
Then I give the showerhead to my son and he's spraying every where and I said, "Be careful". He sprays in their direction and gets the dad's jeans a little bit.
Finally I grab back it and the water from the hole sprays him in the eyes and he's crying so I turn the showerhead away. I forget I had aimed direcly in their direction.
Unfortunately I totally drenched the dad through his sweater, hat and jeans (not to mention his running shoes).
He jumped.
And was like "Ahhhh man!"
Lol.
I said "Shit I'm sorry".
But I realized his jeans and sweater are soaked.
And its fockn cold outside. Like real cold. I pictured him becoming ice (like a pop sickle).
 I apologized as he sloshed around in his wet clothes in the change room. 
His daughter kept saying "Daddy you are wet!"
I was like ah sh*t constant reminders to him of what I did.
Lol.

Needless to say.
The first dad said bye.
The 2nd dad did not.

My Japanese blog.
Also somewhat incoherent like this blog, but more weird stuff happened to me in Japan.
Take a gander at it at this link.

http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

Zipper issues!

I usually write a summary of NEED TO KNOW for my fellow co-workers incase something happens that is significant at work. Just incase the issue may involve them in the future.

Here is one night's summary.

Tonight the zipper on my pants broke at 9PM and I couldn't fix it. So I couldn't leave the office. 

Very embarrassing! 

But at 10PM it occurred to me to use duct tape to hold it together, which I did.

Problem solved, at least temporarily.

PS If any of you are wondering I wore underwear today.

My Little Ponies (Or Horsies)

I had forgotten about this story until I ran into a friend I hadn't seen since my High School reunion a few years ago. It had been 10 years since high School, wow!

He asked me if I enjoyed it.

I told him the following story.

Let's refer to the girl as Jen to cover up any traces that anyone might know her.

I saw JEN at the high school reunion.
She was as weird at the reunion as she was 10 years ago.

I asked her how is life?
She said, "I like horsies".

It was a bit weird and really didn't answer my question.

So for followup I asked her what she does for a job. 

She responded "Petting horsies".

I felt bad for her, not much had changed since High School, still on level 11 astral-hippie plane atop Middle Earth with some Dungeon and Dragons thrown in.

Lastly, who says horsies?

My Japanese blog.
Also somewhat incoherent like this blog, but more weird stuff happened to me in Japan.
Take a gander at it at this link.

http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

Thor and his Maintenance Hammer!

Thor and his Maintenance Hammer!

At work I noticed one of the carts for moving heavy items was slightly damaged. A piece of wood was sticking out with exposed nails (not safe at all. And if you didn't know I am Mr.Safety).

I contemplated kicking it back in place, but with my luck I imagined the nails might enter my shoe and into my toes. Trust me I do stupid things and I usually pay for it.

I radioed the maintenance guy.

"Good morning sir, the cart needs a Hulk Smash and it should be good to go, can you come to the kitchen?".

His response,
"What? I don't know what you are talking about, a Hulk what?".

My answer,
"You know, pretend you are HULK and smash it back into place".

His answer
"What? I don't get it.".

He appears in the kitchen.

I said
"Ya so just Hulk smash it and you are good to go. You know who the Hulk is right?"

His answer
"Some WWF guy blonde and bandana?".

Impressive he knew his WWF characters. Now called WWE?

I laughed.
I had to give him props for that, for an older guy he knew that at least.

"No, the green dude who is full of rage and gamma radiation. You know what!? Just give me the hammer and I'll do it. I'm full of rage and probably irradiated (or irritated) by gamma's."

He gave me a weird look.

"I forgot my hammer".

My response
"Thor should never forget his hammer Mjölnir. For it holds the power of a dying star which should not fall into the wrong hands. Its might could be used by evil if befallen into the darkness".

He said "I don't understand you" and walked away.

"I believe in you Thor", I answered as he disappeared.

He didn't respond. I hope he didn't report me for living in a comic book world.

I was irradiated by gamma's like the HULK and full of rage.

My Japanese blog.
Also somewhat incoherent like this blog, but more weird stuff happened to me in Japan.
Take a gander at it at this link.

http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

Superglue Super stupid

Superglue, Super Stupid!

I did something semi stupid today.
What else is new?

I decided to fix my door which had a few pieces of wood detached.

Ah the real power of super-glue.

I actually ripped them off my door myself for Reno in another part of my condo. When I brought it to the store the guy asked why I brought chunks of wood, I said to paint match.

He looked at me bewildered, "It has to be flat and just the paint, I don't need the weird shapes of wood. Needs to be about as big as a twoonie". 

OK I thought.

I went home to glue the wood pieces back in place.

They were awkward shapes. I covered them with super-glue and held them on the door.

One slight problem.

My fingers not only glued together, they also glued to the door.

I slowly peeled my fingers from the door, happy I didn't lose any skin (this time).

I decided to then put the super-glue only on the door and push the piece of wood on. The wood was too small and I got more super-glue on my fingers.

I was stuck with three fingers together.
If you have never tried it before, don't bother. Makes life very difficult.


The worst part of this story is my last two experiences with super-glue I had glued my fingers together too and I swore I would never do without gloves again. 
I didn't use gloves.

Oh boy!

My Japanese blog.
Also somewhat incoherent like this blog, but more weird stuff happened to me in Japan.
Take a gander at it at this link.

http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

Painter Extraordinaire!

Whilst painting a wall the other day I told my friend, “You know, I feel like Picasso”.

“What? In what way dude?”

“I’m paining a masterpiece trying to make it perfect”, I retorted.

“Dude, you are using a roller. It’s not even a brush, and you are painting the wall white”.

“Ya exactly”, I answered.

“I think you are more like Vincent Van Gogh, you are mentally ill”, he said.

“Sounds about right. I think I inhaled too much paint”, I answered.

My Japanese blog.
Also somewhat incoherent like this blog, but more weird stuff happened to me in Japan.
Take a gander at it at this link.

http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

The Dinner Party

The Dinner Party

I sometimes wonder why I do things and then end up laughing about them after.
Here are two of those things.

The place:   Dinner at a sushi restaurant.
Who with:   People all speaking in Chinese only.

After the dinner
A friend's conversation as she wasn't able to come to the dinner.


Her: "How did the party go?"

Me: "Well put it this way, there was so little going on in English I made friends with a 6 year old".

Her: "How did the conversation go?"

Me: "Not well, I mentioned Thomas the steam war tank numerous times, as that was what interested him".

Her: "Do you mean Thomas the steam engine?"

Me: "Whatever, that blue dude that's on tracks".

Her: "You make about as much sense as the 6 year old."


Her: "Well at least how was all you can eat sushi?"

Me: "Terrible. Tasted like it was run through a toilet".

Her: "Oh, anything beside sushi?"

Me: "Ya, they had some deep fried fish full of eggs".

Her: "How was that?"

Me: "I ate the whole plate. I utterly detested them".

Her: "Then why did you eat the whole plate?"

Me: "Cause no one else was, and the lack of conversation was killing me. I kept mumbling delicious since no one was saying anything to me".

Her: "Nice, how did that go?".

Me: "Not good, they ordered another full plate just for me".


My Japanese blog.
Also somewhat incoherent like this blog, but more weird stuff happened to me in Japan.
Take a gander at it at this link.

http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/