Painter Extraordinaire!

Whilst painting a wall the other day I told my friend, “You know, I feel like Picasso”.

“What? In what way dude?”

“I’m paining a masterpiece trying to make it perfect”, I retorted.

“Dude, you are using a roller. It’s not even a brush, and you are painting the wall white”.

“Ya exactly”, I answered.

“I think you are more like Vincent Van Gogh, you are mentally ill”, he said.

“Sounds about right. I think I inhaled too much paint”, I answered.

My Japanese blog.
Also somewhat incoherent like this blog, but more weird stuff happened to me in Japan.
Take a gander at it at this link.

http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

The Dinner Party

The Dinner Party

I sometimes wonder why I do things and then end up laughing about them after.
Here are two of those things.

The place:   Dinner at a sushi restaurant.
Who with:   People all speaking in Chinese only.

After the dinner
A friend's conversation as she wasn't able to come to the dinner.


Her: "How did the party go?"

Me: "Well put it this way, there was so little going on in English I made friends with a 6 year old".

Her: "How did the conversation go?"

Me: "Not well, I mentioned Thomas the steam war tank numerous times, as that was what interested him".

Her: "Do you mean Thomas the steam engine?"

Me: "Whatever, that blue dude that's on tracks".

Her: "You make about as much sense as the 6 year old."


Her: "Well at least how was all you can eat sushi?"

Me: "Terrible. Tasted like it was run through a toilet".

Her: "Oh, anything beside sushi?"

Me: "Ya, they had some deep fried fish full of eggs".

Her: "How was that?"

Me: "I ate the whole plate. I utterly detested them".

Her: "Then why did you eat the whole plate?"

Me: "Cause no one else was, and the lack of conversation was killing me. I kept mumbling delicious since no one was saying anything to me".

Her: "Nice, how did that go?".

Me: "Not good, they ordered another full plate just for me".


My Japanese blog.
Also somewhat incoherent like this blog, but more weird stuff happened to me in Japan.
Take a gander at it at this link.

http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

The Best of My Trip

I came across one of my old hard drive which contained thousands of digital pictures.

Among them I found my trip to Korea in 2002.
I looked through all the photo's.

I thought this one was the best of the trip.
It really gives a good picture of how my trip to Korea was (and no it wasn't North Korea).

Pretty dark, dreary and unclear. Just like my trip to Korea. 


PS I think other people have a great trip, maybe ours was timed wrong due to weather, Fifa World Cup etc.

My Japanese blog.
Also somewhat incoherent like this blog, but more weird stuff happened to me in Japan.
Take a gander at it at this link.

http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

An idiotic Conversation

The background

Whilst a friend asked me which I preferred Subway or Quizno’s.

Me: I like Quizno’s more.

Her: Why ?

Me: I don’t like Subway. They ask me too many questions.

Her: Like what?

Me: What bread do I want, some stuff about flavour of the sandwich, harassment about what veggies and then what flavour of salt and pepper I want.

Her: What do you mean flavour of salt and pepper?

Me: I mean they say, "Hey what flavour do you want?".

Her: Do they actually say “Hey”.

Me: No, I’m giving an example.

Her: But back to my point, what do you mean flavour of salt and pepper? Do you mean sauce?

Me: Whatever they ask, same thing. I’m still thinking about the last 100 questions they asked me so by that point I'm confused.

Her: I'm confused by your story.

Me: Me too. You lost me at which one is better. The answer is McDonald’s is better. The one question is "To here or to go?".

You know I’m simple.

Her: Yes. A simpleton.

My Japanese blog.
Also somewhat incoherent like this blog, but more weird stuff happened to me in Japan.
Take a gander at it at this link.

http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

Middle Aged People Are Funny

 You don't even have to be that old to be out of the loop.
Usually senility comes with age.

I went to go see the new Batman movie DARK NIGHT RISES.
During the previews of upcoming movies, there were two middle aged women sitting in front of us.
I would guestimate their ages to be between 45-55 years old.
Me, being the nerd I am have already seen pretty much every preview of all the new movies, especially comic based ones. So for me, all I need to do is see the first five seconds to know what movie it is.
As the preview started a voice saying that this person would be a beacon of hope and stand in the light. That the people would follow him, and he would be a leader everyone would follow.
Obvious enough?
A man wearing a red cape and blue tights shot up into the air.
Can you guess who it is? Common! You know it.
The one lady looked at the other, "What does that mean?" she asked.
The other lady looked at her, "It means another Spiderman movie next year".

What's this the symbol of? You must know, even though its a new design.

My Japanese blog.
Also somewhat incoherent like this blog, but more weird stuff happened to me in Japan.
Take a gander at it at this link.

http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

MacGyver Extraordinaire!

MacGyver Extraordinaire!

Improvise. No light make one, with whatever you have. 

A few funny things happened last night.

We went to a restaurant in Richmond for the first time. I don't want to mention any names, but the service was terrible.
Anyways, to top it off I wanted to go to the bathroom after enjoying two cups of coffee.
I get to the bathroom and the light doesn't seem to turn on. I was like Umm, wtf!? I asked an employee who appeared not to speak much English "Power!? POWAAA!?". I was like, "Sorry I don't quite understand".
I looked around the restaurant and it seemed the power was on, plus we had just ordered and she didn't say anything about lack of power.

I kept trying the switch, but to no avail.
Finally a girl popped out of the women's bathroom. "Hi", I said. She had her Iphone in her hand with the flash constantly on, like a flashlight. "hahah, ya the power is only out in the bathroom, the worker told me in Chinese, they don't know what's wrong, at least you can use you phone with the flash, there is an app for that". She giggled and walked away.
I realized I didn't have my Iphone with me it was in my jacket. I walked back to the table and grabbed it.
I contemplated just leaving the door open half way so that I could have a bit of light, but it opened up into the restaurant eating area, so I thought too embarrassing.
I went through my apps and realized that I had deleted the flashlight app a few weeks ago, when I re-updated my phone. CRAP!
 I saw the Chinese employee again. "Hi, do you have a flashlight?", I inquired. He just yelled "POWER!! PAWAAA" and walked away. I assumed that was a no.
Then genius hit me. If I used the flash on my phone without the app it could work but I have to keep taking pictures. I hoped I could pee with one hand and take pictures with the other. I hoped I wasn't going to drop my Iphone into the toilet.
I started peeing and taking pictures. My biggest fear was that I was going to miss the toilet and hit the wall or better yet, hit myself.
I took about 30 pictures and flushed. I couldn't judge if there was a bit of water from spray up from the toilet or someone else didn't have the flashlight app and peed all over the flusher.
I cleaned my hands really well (while pressing the take picture button with my knuckles) and got out.
It occurred to me I may want to delete those pictures just incase.
I went through them quickly, all pictures of me mid stream, wonderful.
As I got back to the table my friend told me.
"Dude all you need to do is put the Iphone on video, the light will come on. You don't even need to record the video".

A few hours later we went to a night market.
As we were leaving there was a lady infront of us carrying an infant in a stroller. She carried it a way I've never seen before. I thought it was pretty damn funny so I followed her for a few minutes and took a picture.
She never once turned around to see the child was OK. Maybe that's the way they roll in her family.

Yes, she is popping a wheelie and walking by dragging it! Wow.

Now that's the way to pull a child. You might end up without one if you carry it long enough like this.

My Japanese blog.
Also somewhat incoherent like this blog, but more weird stuff happened to me in Japan.
Take a gander at it at this link.

http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

Acupuncture Needles of Pain or Relief?

Acupuncture Needles of Pain or Relief?

If you like I can stick needles and nails in there for you. Just let me know.

So I went to acupuncture the a couple months ago for the first time. I've never tried it before but I've heard good things. My sister raves about it. I saw a show that claims most people who do it, feel pain relief.
Since my neck is still driving my nuts (I snapped it like an piece of wood while doing Judo in Japan years ago), and the doctors have all concluded "Yes, its bad". I figured why not try it.
First off, I went to an acupuncturist school. That means that students are doing it not teachers. Safe? Probably not. I was slightly worried. Puncture a vital nerve, blood vessel and Game Over forever. But, I'm all about cheap deals. And 5 sessions for $15 each is great.
They did a general Q and A with me. How is your sex life? I don't know if that is relevant to neck pain, but good, thanks.
They told me my liver isn't very strong and neither is my spleen. I've heard that before. Chinese doctors in the past in China told me that, and so do all the Japanese ones.
I've also had a few Chinese people read my palm. Lifeline, hmm seems a bit short, brain line, I can't seem to see one they always said. Always something to look forward to I guess.
Is there any merit to acupuncture, I don't know. Although I can say I'm a weak drinker, which may account for the poor liver.
As I arrived there were two students in the room and male and a female. I've always thought of females as the gentler of the sexes, but her needle insertions were more painful. Probably I guessed being pushed against nerves, veins, bones etc  haha. Kidding.
I hope she isn't reading this.
They left the room after they had finished the insertions. Suddenly my nose became completely blocked by some magical force and I couldn't breathe through it. I didn't have a cold and I've had no problems recently with my nose so that was weird. Maybe something controlling breathing was needled?
So I kept breathing through my nose. When he came back I told him but he didn't seem too concerned. I think he thought it was a cold I had. It wasn't.
After they removed all the needles my nose became clear.
I felt some relief already, like I could breath again. Breathing is always a bonus. My shoulders felt like some weight has been lifted off them. Great, I thought.
They started discussing about what area to do next. First the grabbed my hand and pushed a needle through the web part of my thumb. Hmm, felt like a searing hot sword cutting through my body. Must be good I thought.
She asked me if I felt pain. Uhhh, well a little yes, on a scale of 1-10 about a 5. I lied, it was a 10. "OK", she said its working.
They asked me to lay facedown again and both of them started inserting needles into the underside of my wrist and into my feet. I thought for a quick moment, I was being crucified. The pain was probably the worst I've ever had. I tried to bite my tongue as she moved one needle in and out of my foot. My gosh, it was like being electrified in a spot repeatedly.
A teacher came in to see their work. She asked them to leave the room with her. Although they had told me previously they were advanced students, I wondered if I was a practice doll for the last lessons, it just didn't feel right.
I could overheard the teacher "You should never do acupuncture on the foot during the first session, if you are off by even a little the patient feels extreme pain". I was thinking, she can say that again.
As I walked out, a large smile came out on my face, I was thinking to myself perfect since I bought a discount pack, I have 4 sessions left, maybe it will get better.

Update.
It didn't.

How bout I stick a nail in your foot. It might be good.

 My Japanese blog.
Also somewhat incoherent like this blog, but more weird stuff happened to me in Japan.
Take a gander at it at this link.

http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/