McDonald's BACK TO THE FUTURE McFLY!

So I went to McDonald's and almost lost my marbles! AKA blew my top!

THIS IS CALLED A ICE FRAPPE!! OR WHATEVER the spelling and pronunciation is.

I went to order a ice frappe. As for the correct spelling I don't have a French keyboard so its something like this Frappé. For that special e thing.

I asked for a Frappe she said , "We don't have those. We had them only for 2015."
I was like what the hoot is she talking about? I was at McDonald's last week and I had one. I did not jump into a time machine and go back to the Future (actually the past that became the Future).

I told her "Sorry you must be gravely mistaken, for I had ordered the aforementioned drink last week". I should have mentioned more than gravely and replaced it with stupidly mistaken.

She looked at me, "Sir, the last time it was available was 2015".

I was now starting to lose it. The clock had struck 12 (or whatever time makes you crazy when the hooting starts on those old grandfather clocks).

"I ordered it last week, unless I'm completely crazy it was available and I drank it, so what do you mean?"

She looked at me again, "We don't have it, do you want just an ice coffee?"

I didn't know how to respond.

MAYBE F NO! I WANT MY DAMN ICE FRAPPE, the same GODDAMN one I had last week. I am not hallucinating, I drank one!

I responded, "Yes please, unless you can get me the Frappe you know the one I ordered last week without a time machine". And I should have added "AND MY NAME IS NOT MARTY McFly!"

She got me my ice coffee. I was now angry. Slightly livid.
I sent a message to my wife saying they said they don't have it. She said I must have pronounced it wrong cause its a French word with a symbol.
I looked it up on McD.ca NOT .COM so she can't say only USA. It was there. I took her the picture.
ICE FRAPPE. Iced Frappe, Ice frappacino, Iced Frappunici, whatever you want to call it, its listed on the website. My wife has confirmed I am not nuts, so this is what I'd like to order.

"Sir we don't have it!"

She asked her manager. She confirmed they don't have it.
I explained I had it at another Mcdonald's last week and this lady says it didn't exist since 2015, thereby implying I'm slightly (more or less) insane.

She said maybe some other shops have it, but that this location they didn't sell any, so they don't have them. LOL.

I gave up.
"OK, I'll just take my stupid ice coffees then, extra ice so I can pretend its a frappe please".

I left.
My son asked "Dada, they don't have a frappocino for you?"
I smiled "Yes son, they are withholding it".

MOTHER F'ER!

Feel Confident in Cooking

Whilst walking through a restaurant kitchen I heard the following story and thought amusing and therefore worth the repeat.

A sever stated to a cook that her patron had Celiac disease and requested to make a pizza without any crust/ dough. The cook asked what is the binding agent to hold the meat/ sauce etc together. He's never heard of a pizza without crust or dough.

 The server responded, "I dunno lay down some cheese I guess".

The cook responded the cheese will just burn and get all greasy, which the server responded, "I hope you feel confident making it or it isn’t going to work".

LOL. I tried not to pee laughing.

LOL just peed a little.

Understanding Babble

Its very hard to understand a baby. As you know, they don't really make sense.
In my case the scenario is more difficult than normal, since my son is learning Cantonese.

I never know if he's speaking babble or Cantonese, as they sound the same to me.

"Oh he can talk now", the family said.

Me: "I thought I heard nai nai, what the heck is that."

"Milk", they answered.

Oh boy. The Cantonese language is hilarious.
At least he isn't yelling in babble yet.
Will sound more like Cantonese (oh snap!)

Its only funny cause my wife is Canto, and its true.

Build a What?

While riding the bus (aka the loser cruiser) I was carrying a gift in my hand. I should mention I would consider it a semi nice gift as it wasn't from the dollar store (my usual shop of choice!)

The gift was a box with two air holes. Look at the pic it should give you an idea.

Looked like this with a little more fur hanging out. I guess my hand was covering the BUILD A BEAR WORKSHOP.
Clearly the diagrams on the side give you an idea that it is child friendly.

There was a guy standing beside me. He kept staring at the box.

Finally he asked, "What kind of animal inside?".

"A bear", I answered.

He backed up, seemingly frightened.

I thought about it, maybe he thought it was real.

"Its a build a bear", I told him.
Looked like he was trying to contemplate what species it was.

Finally after about one minute I told him, "Its stuffed".

He looked at me again "It looks so real".
Not really I thought. 

WTF? Its in a box, and he can only made of fake fur poking through a cardboard box with picture of kid friendly bears.

LOL.
People are funny. And stupid too.




My Japanese blog.
Also somewhat incoherent like this blog, but more weird stuff happened to me in Japan.


Take a gander at it at this link.

http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

SuperGlue, Superfoo(l)

Superglue Superfoo(l)

I wish it rhymed better.

So I do stupid things. Incase you didn't already know. 

I haven't done that before, although similar.

Things were worse than normal yesterday.

I always promise myself that anytime I use superglue I’m going to put gloves on.

Incase you didn't read my other story, I glued my fingers to my door recently.

The worst part, is that wasn't even the first time I did it. I never seem to learn my lesson.

Yesterday someone asked me to fix the handles on a pair of scissors. I thought perhaps if I used enough superglue it was fix the cracked in half plastic handle.

I covered the crack in glue. I kept blowing on it. I didn't realize my finger and thumb had somehow been covered with superglue. I lost all feeling in my finger and thumb. My skin went hard as a rock.

I wondered if I was going to be able to use my smartphone as my finger isn't really skin anymore, its solid superglue.

After feeling the need to remove it, I read online superglue’s only weakness is nail polish remover. Much like Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite (and magic and the red sun and depending on the comic other colours of Kryptonite, but lets ignore those).

I asked all the girls if they had any, but they only had nail polish. One informed me nail polish removes nail polish so it’s the same (she lied, it’s not the same).

She proceeded to paint my finger and thumb purple with nail polish. In addition to my finger and thumb being rock solid, I now also had a purple-sparkly finger and thumb.

One of the girls told me we had “Goo gone” to remove that kind of thing. I asked is she sure it’s for superglue and she said yes.

I should have remembered she lied to me in step 1 as I was stuck with a purple finger and thumb, but I didn't.

I went and got it. The directions on the back stated for furniture, upholstery and other items. I did notice it said poison on the front, but I wasn't planning to drink it so I figured its fine.

I dipped my finger and thumb in the bottle. A nice bleach skin eating feeling came across me. I guess I should have taken them out, but I really wanted to absorb it.

I had scratched at my skin with my nail and some scissors so the skin was already exposed.

I rubbed my whole hands in the goo gone and kept rubbing the skin. Felt like layers of skin were being removed.

I now noticed on the front the bottle read “DO NOT PUT ON SKIN, THIS IS POISON”.

The back in small print informs to always wear gloves when using and clean hands immediately if any touches the skin.

Now that my hands were on fire, I thought it was a good time to wash my hands.

As I was about to leave the office one of the maintenance staff entered the room.

He said hi and saw the bottle of Goo gone was out.

“Be careful, you don’t want to get that on your skin, its poison”.

I laughed and left the room, my hands dripping with goo gone.

Once home another issue arose which again required the mighty SUPERGLUE.

I contemplated keeping my promise and getting some gloves.

I didn't.

  

I now have superglued skin on both hands.

LOL.  Nothing to do with Superglue. "Super" funny though.

My Japanese blog.
Also somewhat incoherent like this blog, but more weird stuff happened to me in Japan.
Take a gander at it at this link.

http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

Whoops ! My bad!

I had the first swimming class of 2015 with my 2 year old son.
We were joined by two other fathers in the shower with their kids.
The first father had a little girl, about 4 years old.
And he had a swimsuit on so he can change her in the shower.
Then the 2nd father comes in the shower, wearing jeans, hat backwards and a sweater.Then I'm spraying down my son and I realized there is hole in the side of the hose. 

The spray is getting quite close to them.
Then I give the showerhead to my son and he's spraying every where and I said, "Be careful". He sprays in their direction and gets the dad's jeans a little bit.
Finally I grab back it and the water from the hole sprays him in the eyes and he's crying so I turn the showerhead away. I forget I had aimed direcly in their direction.
Unfortunately I totally drenched the dad through his sweater, hat and jeans (not to mention his running shoes).
He jumped.
And was like "Ahhhh man!"
Lol.
I said "Shit I'm sorry".
But I realized his jeans and sweater are soaked.
And its fockn cold outside. Like real cold. I pictured him becoming ice (like a pop sickle).
 I apologized as he sloshed around in his wet clothes in the change room. 
His daughter kept saying "Daddy you are wet!"
I was like ah sh*t constant reminders to him of what I did.
Lol.

Needless to say.
The first dad said bye.
The 2nd dad did not.

My Japanese blog.
Also somewhat incoherent like this blog, but more weird stuff happened to me in Japan.
Take a gander at it at this link.

http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

Zipper issues!

I usually write a summary of NEED TO KNOW for my fellow co-workers incase something happens that is significant at work. Just incase the issue may involve them in the future.

Here is one night's summary.

Tonight the zipper on my pants broke at 9PM and I couldn't fix it. So I couldn't leave the office. 

Very embarrassing! 

But at 10PM it occurred to me to use duct tape to hold it together, which I did.

Problem solved, at least temporarily.

PS If any of you are wondering I wore underwear today.